Mississauga!
Welcome back, gentle reader, for another fresh serving of humankind's innermost thoughts and the ways in which they are expressed. Today's selection of authors have one thing in common: a frail grasp on grammar and logical reasoning! Ah, pardon The Postmaster, they have, in fact, two things in common, for they are, additionally, all residents of that fine suburb of Toronto which demands to be known as Mississauga.
One of the first letters that caught The Postmaster's eye from this fine town was an example of what The Postmaster likes to refer to as "Typewriter Art"; this is when someone decides to, shall we say, "spruce up" a piece that is otherwise - both aesthetically and intellectually - less than noteworthy; this is done by using the keys and paper in such a matter as to produce graphics and/or patterns on the page. In this particular case, our contributor typed her letter in the shape of a goose. The Postmaster, unfortunately, has neither the time nor the inability to self-express to recreate such a deed. That is left to your own imagination as we delve into the following:
"DO YOU KNOW MOTHER GOOSE? HOW IS SHE GOING TO FEEL WHEN JACK & JILL BECOME JACK & JACK? WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO JACK SPRATT WITH NO WIFTE TO EAT THE FAT? HE'LL PROABLY SUFFER FROM A MAJOR HEART ATTACK WHICH WILL, OF COURSE, BE AN EXTRA BURDEN ON OUR MEDICAL & WELFARE SYSTEMS. PETER, PETER PUMPKIN EATER WON'T HAVE A WIFE TO KEEP IN A PUPKIN SHELL, SO THE PUMPKIN FARMER MAY GO OUT OF BUSINESS. AND THEN HE'LL APPLY FOR UNEMPLOYMENT, AND THEN ALL BECAUSE OF A SMALL MINORITY GROUP, THE GOVERNMENT WILL HAVE TO PUT OUT EXTRA FUNDS AND EVERYONE KNOWS THERE ARE NO EXTRA FUNDS TO SPARE!"
Ah, yes. The Postmaster understand now how those who have been pushing for equal rights regardless of sexual orientation have been completely, and incosiderately, ignoring how their rights might impact FICTIONAL CHARACTERS. Pardon The Postmaster for using all capital letters, but The Postmaster feels that this is an appropriate situation in which someone does, in fact, deserved to be shouted at, as this particular someone is angrily demanding the oppression of a minority group in order in order to "protect" the rights and lifestyles of FICTIONAL CHARACTERS. However, The Postmaster should not be too judgmental of this poor soul, for it is possible that she feels such affinity to fictional characters since they doubtless account for many of her closest friends.
Let us know move from a Mother Goose afficionado to...another Mother Goose afficionado. Here is a letter from a representative of the younger generation:
"I am twelve years old and I am against same-sex marriage. I would like the sanctity of marriage to be upheld. I think it is totally disgusting for two boys or two girls to get married!"
Ah, out of the mouths of babes. What a fine young man he will be once his parents allow him to form his own ideas instead of automatically regurgitating their ignorant rhetoric! That being said, The Postmaster would like to assure this young citizen that "his" views are semi-accurate. It can indeed be described as "disgusting" for two boys or two girls to marry, or, for that matter, a boy and a girl to marry. That is why in this country boys and girls may not marry, only men and women.
And here is the final entry in our trifecta of terribly-structured texts:
"As one of millions of concerned Canadian citizens, We are against this terrible bill that would DESTROY THE SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE! (The union of 1 man & 1 women.)"
The Postmaster can only hope that these authors represent the exception, not the rule, of the intellects produced by the system of education in their town. This last one in particular; as he is apparently under the impression that one must use the royal "we" in proper letters. Perhaps, however, the problem runs deeper than that, as he is also convinced that it is possible to have "1 women". Perhaps he should worry less about the sanctity of marriage and more about the sanctity of proper pluralization.
And that, gentle reader, is the end of our sojourn through the minds from Mississauga. Where shall our travels take us next? Only the letters know for sure.
One of the first letters that caught The Postmaster's eye from this fine town was an example of what The Postmaster likes to refer to as "Typewriter Art"; this is when someone decides to, shall we say, "spruce up" a piece that is otherwise - both aesthetically and intellectually - less than noteworthy; this is done by using the keys and paper in such a matter as to produce graphics and/or patterns on the page. In this particular case, our contributor typed her letter in the shape of a goose. The Postmaster, unfortunately, has neither the time nor the inability to self-express to recreate such a deed. That is left to your own imagination as we delve into the following:
"DO YOU KNOW MOTHER GOOSE? HOW IS SHE GOING TO FEEL WHEN JACK & JILL BECOME JACK & JACK? WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO JACK SPRATT WITH NO WIFTE TO EAT THE FAT? HE'LL PROABLY SUFFER FROM A MAJOR HEART ATTACK WHICH WILL, OF COURSE, BE AN EXTRA BURDEN ON OUR MEDICAL & WELFARE SYSTEMS. PETER, PETER PUMPKIN EATER WON'T HAVE A WIFE TO KEEP IN A PUPKIN SHELL, SO THE PUMPKIN FARMER MAY GO OUT OF BUSINESS. AND THEN HE'LL APPLY FOR UNEMPLOYMENT, AND THEN ALL BECAUSE OF A SMALL MINORITY GROUP, THE GOVERNMENT WILL HAVE TO PUT OUT EXTRA FUNDS AND EVERYONE KNOWS THERE ARE NO EXTRA FUNDS TO SPARE!"
Ah, yes. The Postmaster understand now how those who have been pushing for equal rights regardless of sexual orientation have been completely, and incosiderately, ignoring how their rights might impact FICTIONAL CHARACTERS. Pardon The Postmaster for using all capital letters, but The Postmaster feels that this is an appropriate situation in which someone does, in fact, deserved to be shouted at, as this particular someone is angrily demanding the oppression of a minority group in order in order to "protect" the rights and lifestyles of FICTIONAL CHARACTERS. However, The Postmaster should not be too judgmental of this poor soul, for it is possible that she feels such affinity to fictional characters since they doubtless account for many of her closest friends.
Let us know move from a Mother Goose afficionado to...another Mother Goose afficionado. Here is a letter from a representative of the younger generation:
"I am twelve years old and I am against same-sex marriage. I would like the sanctity of marriage to be upheld. I think it is totally disgusting for two boys or two girls to get married!"
Ah, out of the mouths of babes. What a fine young man he will be once his parents allow him to form his own ideas instead of automatically regurgitating their ignorant rhetoric! That being said, The Postmaster would like to assure this young citizen that "his" views are semi-accurate. It can indeed be described as "disgusting" for two boys or two girls to marry, or, for that matter, a boy and a girl to marry. That is why in this country boys and girls may not marry, only men and women.
And here is the final entry in our trifecta of terribly-structured texts:
"As one of millions of concerned Canadian citizens, We are against this terrible bill that would DESTROY THE SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE! (The union of 1 man & 1 women.)"
The Postmaster can only hope that these authors represent the exception, not the rule, of the intellects produced by the system of education in their town. This last one in particular; as he is apparently under the impression that one must use the royal "we" in proper letters. Perhaps, however, the problem runs deeper than that, as he is also convinced that it is possible to have "1 women". Perhaps he should worry less about the sanctity of marriage and more about the sanctity of proper pluralization.
And that, gentle reader, is the end of our sojourn through the minds from Mississauga. Where shall our travels take us next? Only the letters know for sure.
posted by floyd at 7:00 AM
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